


Somebody I Used to Know

by Night_Witch_The_Third



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anger, Awkward Kissing, Eric Cartman Being An Asshole, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, F/M, Going to Hell, Humor, Love/Hate, Lust, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Revenge, Tags to be added to avoid spoilers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-02-22 21:29:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13175577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Night_Witch_The_Third/pseuds/Night_Witch_The_Third
Summary: When Kyle declares that he is done dealing with Cartman, Cartman just brushes it off.  But, when years pass and Kyle still refuses to acknowledge him, he turns to drastic measures to try and return things to normal, not knowing why he's trying so hard.  But things get even more complicated when Heidi throws herself into the mix with her own agenda, and Kyle refuses to acknowledge either of them.Hearts break, things are complicated, there's a lot of swearing, and it looks like the entire school is going to be caught up in the drama.  And even though Cartman's life has turned to hell, Kyle's life has improved with out him, and there's no going back.





	1. Bye, Bye, Bye

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was an idea I just thought right when I was about to fall asleep a few nights ago. I don’t know how long this fan fiction will be, or how serious of a tone I’ll take (probably mostly humorous, I don’t do drama well). Also, all of the chapter titles are going to be song lyrics or titles. Because, you know, why not? Apparently, I like just announcing to the public what music I listen to.  
> Also, be warned that I really don’t like Heidi. That’s going to become more apparent as this fan fiction goes on. Or, at least, I really don’t like Cartman’s relationship with her. It’s stupid, and doesn’t make me really like either of them.

“You’re dead to me.”  
If Cartman had known how serious Kyle was when he spoke those words, he probably would have gone back to that week leading up to it and stopped everything he had done that had pushed Kyle over the edge. Actually, no. He would have gone back even further and stopped himself from dating Heidi in the first place. Yup. Obviously, this was all her fault.  
The very next day after Cartman had tricked Heidi into breaking up with Kyle, he felt the need to rub it in his face that he had won. It was only natural, after all. Cartman knew Kyle deserved it for stealing his girl in the first place.  
This led into their longest, loudest and angriest argument ever. The two of them screamed at each other for hours, and the only reason why they didn’t break into a fist fight was because Stan and Kenny happened to be there, holding the two of them back from killing each other. Cartman called Kyle every terrible name for Jew he could think of, while Kyle spat every other name back at him. The argument only came to a halt because Kyle’s mother came into the living room to break them up and send them home.  
The very next day, neither them spoke as they waited for the bus. Stan and Kenny stood uncomfortably in between them, ready in case either of their two friends tried to kill each other. There was no further incident until after school, however. Then all hell broke loose.  
Stan and Kyle made their way down the hall, muttering to each other as Cartman and Heidi approached from the other direction, talking in obnoxiously loud voices. Out of the corner of his eye as they passed each other, Cartman noticed that Kyle quickly gave them both the middle finger before passing them, and a rage boiled over in him for some reason.  
Angrily, Cartman whipped around and threw one of his text books at Kyle, hitting him squarely in the back. Before Stan and Heidi could stop either of them, Kyle was tackling Cartman to the ground, and a crowd started to grow around them as the two of them tried to kill each other. By the time PC Principle managed to break through the crowd of cheering kids, Kyle was punching Cartman hard in the face while the fat kid had his hands around Kyle’s throat, trying to strangle him.  
The principle screamed at both of them until he was blue in the face, then gave them both a week of detention. Then he called their parents. As soon as Kyle got home that day, his mother was on him in an instant, hollering and crying that she thought she had raised him better than that, then grounded him for a month.  
But that’s not what pushed Kyle over the edge. What really did it was Cartman revealing the next day that his mom didn’t punish him at all, and bragging about the fact that Kyle “got what he deserved.”  
Stan and Kenny both flinched and waited for Kyle to try and attack Cartman again, but the rage never came. At least, not in the way they expected. When Kyle didn’t immediately attack Cartman again, Kenny and Stan glanced at their friend and saw him give Cartman a look. A terrifying look that all of them (including Cartman) prayed they would never be on the receiving end of. His “You’re dead to me” look. Only given to two other people.  
Cartman took a hesitant and timid step back when he saw the look on Kyle’s face, and Kyle took a menacing step towards him, his eyes flashing dangerously and his mouth pulled back into a snarl. He muttered only four words to him, but it was the last words that Cartman never thought he would hear from him.  
“You’re dead to me,” Kyle hissed at him, and he turned on his heel and stalked off down the hall.


	2. Hope it Gives You Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I don’t have too much to say. Hopefully there will be more dialogue this chapter as we see how everyone reacts to this statement. Well, we know how Cartman will react, because I told you in the summary, but Stan and Kenny are standing there too, so we’ll see what they say about it.  
> As a side note, yes, I know that this story may sound similar to the episode where Cartman thinks he died, but one - only Kyle is giving him the cold shoulder, and two – Cartman actually knows that he’s getting the silent treatment.

The three friends stared after Kyle with a look of pure shock mirrored on all of their faces. Everyone in the hallway dared not to speak, as if it would shatter the silence that had fallen on them and cut them all to ribbons. Finally, blinking out of his spell, Stan shook his head and stepped forward to put a hand on Cartman’s shoulder.  
“That’s rough, man,” he muttered apologetically. “I’m sorry.”  
He and the rest of the kids in the hallway nearly jumped when Cartman gave a sudden and sharp laugh. He turned to Stan with a mocking, all knowing grin on his face.  
“Sorry for what, dude?” he sneered. Stan blinked in shock at him.  
“Didn’t you hear what Kyle just said to you?” he clarified hesitantly.  
“Yeah, I heard,” Cartman scoffed. “You aren’t taking him seriously, are you? It’s just Kyle having another one of his temper tantrums. He’ll get over it.”  
“I don’t know, dude,” Kenny said, speaking at last. “He gave you the death glare and everything. You don’t recover from that. And besides, he wasn’t just pissed at you, it was, like, way beyond that.”  
“Oo! I’m so scared!” Cartman jeered. “Come on, when has Kyle ever held a grudge with someone?”  
“All the time,” Stan pointed out calmly.  
“My point exactly,” Cartman replied as if Stan had said “Never.” “By this time tomorrow, I guarantee that he’ll be over it and we’ll be right back to square one.”  
The next day definitely did not prove Cartman right. Kyle certainly had calmed down a bit, but that was like saying that a raging forest fire had calmed down a bit. It was still going, leaving a destructive, angry trail in its wake.  
Kyle was silent as he went over to take his place next to Stan as they waited for the bus. Cartman arrived a few moments later, looking as smug as ever. He immediately walked over and stood next to Kyle with an innocent smile on his face.  
“What’s up, Jew?” he greeted him, cockiness dripping in his voice. “Feel bad about trying to steal my girlfriend yet?”  
Kyle didn’t speak or move, and instead stared coldly ahead of him. Cartman blinked in surprise at him. Well, he had to give him this: he didn’t crack immediately. Kyle was stubborn, he knew, but Cartman was also one for not easily giving up.  
“You know, I should really thank you, Kyle,” Cartman commented. “After we got back together, Heidi and I had really amazing sex.”  
“Do you know what they’re serving for lunch today?” Kyle asked Stan, turning his back to Cartman completely. “I can’t stand what my mom packed for me and I was thinking I’d just buy lunch today instead.”  
“I think the calendar said it’s Taco Tuesday,” Stan replied, trying not to look confused as Cartman stared in outrage at them. “Which is weird, because today’s Wednesday.”  
“Hey, you can’t just ignore me like that!” Cartman growled. “Sooner or later, you’re going to have to talk to me, Kyle.”  
“Huh, I could have sworn I just felt a cold, annoying breeze or something,” Kyle commented, still not looking at him. “But, this is South Park, so nothing new, right?”  
Cartman glared at him, but didn’t say anything more as the bus rolled up and they all got on board. The bus was strangely silent, and the only noise anyone made were quiet whispers. Barely anyone recovered from Kyle’s death stare, even if they weren’t on the receiving end. Kyle ignored all of them and took a seat in the back of the bus with Stan and Kenny following close behind him.  
“Are you sure you want to stay angry at him forever?” Kenny asked Kyle in a low voice. “All that pent-up anger can be unhealthy.” Kyle gave him a confused looked.  
“Who said I’m angry at him?” he asked. “He’s dead to me, so I feel nothing for him now.”  
“Are you sure?” Stan wondered. Kyle rolled his eyes.  
“Having him in my life caused me nothing but stress,” he explained. “I’m through dealing with his shit. Sure, I’ll defend myself if he tries to attack me, but other than that, Eric Cartman no longer exists to me.”  
Stan and Kenny exchanged worried glances but didn’t comment any further. Cartman sat not too far away, obviously listening in on their conversation. It made him angry at how Kyle thought he could just ignore him like this. He was through dealing with his “shit,” huh? Well, he would show him! Kyle couldn’t ignore him forever.  
School did not improve things. It only made things worse. As the class sat there, waiting for the teacher to show up, everyone broke out in their own conversations. Cartman glared over at his two friends and Kyle, sitting on the other side of the room and talking to each other. If anything, he should be the one ignoring him! Not the other way around!  
He was interrupted out of his thoughts by Heidi stepping into the room and spotting him. With a smile on her face, she quickly made her way over to him.  
“Hey babe,” she greeted him. Then she noticed the look on his face. “What’s wrong?”  
“Kyle’s been ignoring me all morning for some reason,” Cartman growled. “Not that I care. I don’t know what he’s so angry about.” Heidi tutted knowingly.  
“I think I know what this is about,” she told him. “Don’t worry, dear. I’ll handle this.”  
Then she confidently strutted over to where the three friends were sitting. Stan and Kenny looked up at her in surprise, but Kyle barely moved. He had pulled out a book and was staring down at it as she approached.  
“Look, Kyle, I know you’re mad just because I got back with Eric, but you really shouldn’t,” Heidi said. “I just wanted to say that I’ve already forgiven you.”  
Kyle didn’t reply, without even sort of looking up at her. She blinked in confusion at him.  
“Didn’t you hear me?” she asked. “I said I’m willing to move past this.”  
Kyle, without taking his eyes of his book, reached into his backpack and pulled out a piece of paper before casually handing it to Stan. His friend took the note and read it over, his eyes widening with surprise before looking up at Heidi.  
“It says, ‘Don’t bother trying to get me to talk to you,’” Stan read out loud. “’If you’re honestly the sort of person who believes everything Cartman tells you, then I feel sorry for you. You mean nothing to me now, and you can tell Cartman that you are dead to me as well. Good luck with your going to fail relationship, I couldn’t give a shit.’”  
Heidi’s eyes widened with shock as Stan spoke. Then she turned an angry glare at Kyle, who was still looking down at his book.  
“You can’t say that to me!” she snapped at him.  
“He didn’t, I did,” Stan pointed out. She glared at him.  
“You know what I meant,” she snarled.  
“Go away, Heidi,” Kenny ordered, rolling his eyes. “You’re just going to embarrass yourself.” Heidi angrily opened her mouth to retaliate, but at that moment the teacher came in and told everyone to take their seats so they could get started. Heidi cast one last furious glare at Kyle before stomping away to her own seat.  
He thought he could away with manipulating her and then blaming his anger on her? Well, he had another thing coming! Heidi could play the ignoring game just as well as he could. Before long, she was going to have him trying to crawl back to her. She just knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I didn’t want to leave you guys hanging forever, so I’m going to end this chapter here. Next time, we’ll see what Heidi and Cartman try to do now that Kyle’s kicked them out of his life. And we’re also going to see just who needs who in reality. And, hopefully, I’ll have the next chapter out sooner than it took to do this one, and hopefully it will be longer as well.


	3. Thanks for the Memories (Even though they weren't so Great)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance that I won’t be updating as much as I want to. I have a lot of stories I’m working on, plus I have a summer job at an amusement park. So, again, I won’t be pumping out chapters like I used to.  
> Anyway, obviously Heidi is not happy with how she was brushed off. Hopefully, we’ll be looking more into Kyle’s mindset as well, and we’ll start to see what it’s like when Cartman is no longer making his life miserable.

Heidi felt kind of strange after that (sort of) exchange with Kyle. It was a weird feeling, and she didn’t like it, but she wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe she felt… bad? That couldn’t be possible, she had done nothing wrong. Kyle was just being an asshole, that was all. It wasn’t like she felt anything for him, and Eric did tell her what he had done. This was probably just him trying to manipulate her more.  
Eric was grumbling under his breath when she sat down next to him. Even though the teacher was already rambling on about something, neither of them could focus on him. Heidi tried to focus on the teacher and the lesson, but her mind kept wandering. She couldn’t help but think about what Stan had said. There was no way that Eric was the one who was manipulating her! He wouldn’t lie to her, he loved her! She knew that! He respected her too much, right?  
Finally, and mercifully, the bell finally rang and everyone started heading towards lunch. She was annoyed to see Kyle talking and laughing with Stan and Kenny, not caring about the emotional abuse he had brought on to her and Eric. Heidi couldn’t stand how he was acting like the victim from all this. If anything, she was the victim!  
She was taken out of her thoughts when Bebe suddenly came up to her and put an arm around her shoulders.  
“Hey Heidi,” she greeted her. “How’s it going?”  
Heidi stared at her. Had she not seen what had happened before class had started? “Not great,” she replied after a moment. “I don’t know why Kyle’s mad at me. If anything, I should be mad at him!” Bebe blinked at her in surprise.  
“Why would you be mad at him?” she wondered. Heidi sighed and rolled her eyes.  
“Because,” she said, “I thought he was trying to help me through my problems, but he was just manipulating me the entire time! And now he’s acting like I did something wrong, just because I shot him down.”  
Bebe stopped dead in her tracks. “You did?” she asked. “When?”  
“A couple of days ago,” Heidi replied.  
“And…who told you that he was manipulating you?” Bebe continued to question.  
“Eric, why?” Bebe stared at her as if she had gone mad.  
“And…you believed him?”  
“Well, yeah,” Heidi said. “Why wouldn’t I?”  
Bebe opened her mouth to explain the hundreds of reasons why Heidi shouldn’t believe a word that Eric Cartman said, but was shoved out of the way by Cartman, who came up from behind them and wrapped an arm around Heidi’s shoulders.  
“So, babe!” Cartman greeted in an obnoxiously loud voice. “You want to do something really romantic tonight or something? I figured since we’re so in love, we would do something special!”  
“Sure, Eric,” Heidi replied, confused. “That sounds nice.”  
Heidi turned down one hall to go to her locker, so she didn’t see Cartman glare ahead to where Kyle, Stan and Kenny were still happily chatting, not registering a word he had said. Nor did she see Bebe angrily sucker punch Cartman in the gut a couple of seconds later.

Days passed in this fashion. Cartman was angry to see that Kyle wasn’t even sort of cracking in his defense. Heidi seemed nonchalant about the whole thing as well, but people could see her cast occasional glances towards Kyle and his friends. Kyle continued to manage to ignore both of them, and even a random bystander could see that he was looking happier.  
But that wasn’t the only relationship that seemed to be going in shambles. Cartman and Heidi’s relationship also seemed to be going south. Heidi actually started to notice how Cartman constantly rolled his eyes whenever she spoke, or tried to ignore her every chance he got. Their only conversations were about Cartman and his problems, or screaming matches. In the frame of one week, they had broken up and gotten back together three times.  
The school was still in a tizzy about the whole Skankhunt thing as well, so everyone was on edge by the end of the week. Bebe, for one, was sick of the whole drama. But she wasn’t sure if she should be the first person to break the ice. A lot of the boys were just as angry at the girls as the girls were at the guys.  
She decided to go for it a few weeks later, because despite Nichole and Wendy being known as the most sensible girls, they were still too stubborn to admit that they were wrong and talk to any of the guys. She found Kyle at his locker after school one day, putting his books away and talking quietly to Kenny, who had a locker next to him. She took a deep breath and made her way over to them.  
“Hey Kyle,” she greeted, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. He and Kenny looked up at her, surprised.  
“Oh, hey Bebe,” he replied warily. “I thought none of the girls were speaking to us at the moment.” Bebe cocked her head and smiled.  
“Why? Because of the whole Skankhunt thing?” she questioned. “Yeah, I got over that a couple of weeks ago. I realized the whole thing was kind of stupid to begin with. I mean, it’s not your fault one guy was being an asshole, right?”  
Kyle flinched, because that asshole had been his dad, but he decided not to comment on it. “Fair enough, I suppose,” he said instead. “So, what’s up?”  
“I heard about your whole thing about kicking Cartman and Heidi out of your life,” Bebe started. Kyle immediately rolled his eyes and let out a sigh.  
“You’re not going to try and talk me into making up with asshole too, are you?” he growled. “Because Cartman especially doesn’t deserve forgiveness, and I don’t think-”  
“No, no,” Bebe interrupted. “I completely agree with you. I’m actually surprised you didn’t do it sooner. But that’s not the point. I was just curious as to why you’re so mad at Heidi as well.”  
Kyle blinked in surprise at her before frowning. “Let me guess, she told you that I was manipulating her and you think that she has the right to be mad, but I don’t,” he growled after a moment.  
“Actually, that’s what she said Cartman told her,” Bebe replied calmly. “That’s why I wasn’t inclined to believe her.”  
“To be fair, if she was willing to fall for whatever dumb shit Cartman tells her at the drop of a hat, she didn’t really deserve you to begin with, Kyle,” Kenny put in helpfully. Kyle turned to give him a grateful smile, so he didn’t see Bebe give a start of surprise at having forgotten that Kenny was standing there in the first place. Kenny then turned to Bebe to add, “No offense.”  
Bebe shrugged. “Eh,” she said, nonchalantly. “I can’t help but agree with you. She knows Cartman is a lying asshole, so she should know better.”  
“Anyway, she accused me of manipulating her,” Kyle told her. “Then she basically called me a dirty Jew, broke my heart, and then went back to Eric fucking Cartman. And then she didn’t even have the gall to apologize to me the next day. If she had, I wouldn’t be giving her the same silent treatment, but frankly she deserves it.”  
Bebe reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. “I completely understand,” she said softly. “I’ll try and get her to understand that.”  
“Good luck with that,” Kenny scoffed. “Cartman is pretty much the only person she will listen to for some reason. She’s in too much denial.”

“What do you mean he wants me to apologize?” Heidi growled as soon as the words left Bebe’s mouth. “I haven’t done anything! If anything, he should apologize to me!” Bebe let out a sigh and rolled her eyes as she tried to explain, once again, how she really shouldn’t be trusting Cartman.  
“Did you even attempt to get his side of the story?” Bebe wondered.  
“What side of the story?” Heidi snapped. “All I said was that he was manipulating me and that I shouldn’t trust him because of his people. What’s not to understand?”  
Bebe immediately let her head fall into her hands with a groan. She swore her friend hadn’t always been this stupid. She slowly counted to ten before she looked her friend in the eye again. Heidi had her hands stubbornly on her hips, glaring at her as she composed herself.  
“You’re right, Heidi,” she said slowly. “You are being manipulated, but not by who you think. Cartman is, was, and always will be an asshole, and you honestly believe him? He dumped you and then immediately got back together with you by threatening to kill himself! You’re always telling me how he barely listens to you! You’re basically his trophy wife! A prize for him to show off to other people!”  
“No, I’m not!” Heidi snarled. “I’m my own thinking person! I would know if he was manipulating me or not!”  
“You didn’t apparently know Kyle was manipulating you until Cartman said he was,” Bebe pointed out calmly. Heidi glared at her.  
“I don’t have time for this,” she growled. “I have a date with Eric that I need to get ready for in thirty minutes.”  
“I thought you two broke up two days ago.”  
“And we got back together yesterday.”  
“Of course, you did…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait and the sort of short chapter, I didn’t want to leave you guys hanging. Also, for the first few chapters, I’m kind of making this up as we go along. There’s going to be a time skip at some point, it might be next chapter, but I’m not sure.  
> Bebe’s actually going to be appearing a lot in this story as the reluctant voice of reason for Heidi, who refuses to listen to her. I don’t know why I decided it would be Bebe, but she’s going to be the sensible one anyway. Hopefully I’ll have the next chapter out sooner and- wait! Did you see that!?! That kid kicked sand in Cool Cat’s face!


	4. Don't Wanna Think About You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hopefully in this chapter we’ll have less moping and more stuff actually happening. We’re going to skip forward a bit to see how everyone’s getting on without each other. And we’ll see more what Kyle’s like now that he doesn’t have to deal with Cartman’s shit.  
> I apologize that I’ve been taking so long to update my stories. I’ve been writing a lot of them at the same time, and I have a job and other issues to deal with. So, I’m sorry if I don’t update these as much as I want.

“You know, I’ve been thinking since the three of us are all single now, we should do something epic,” Kenny said as he walked with Stan and Kyle down the street. His two friends turned to look at him in confusion.  
“What do you mean?” Stan wondered.  
“Well, it’s almost the end of the school year, and we’ve barely gotten to spend time together for a long time now,” Kenny pointed out. “And this year’s been so full of drama, I think we all need a break for once.”  
“We’re not going to a spa, Ken,” Kyle replied, nudging him in the side.  
“I wasn’t suggesting that,” Kenny replied, glaring slightly at him.  
“Then what are you suggesting?”  
“I don’t know, that’s why I said ‘something epic’ instead of specifying,” Kenny exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.  
“Relax, Ken,” Kyle soothed. “I think it’s a great idea.”  
Stan opened his mouth to agree, but he was drowned out by someone calling out to them. He and Kenny flinched and turned to see Cartman running up to them, looking slightly out of breath and kind of annoyed. He glared at Kenny and Stan when he finally caught up to them.  
“What the fuck?” he growled. “You two decide to walk home with that traitor and not with me? You couldn’t have even waited for me, is that it?”  
“I didn’t know we were supposed to wait for you,” Stan answered honestly. “Besides, I thought you always hang out with Heidi now, so you’d walk home with her or something.”  
“Who cares about that bitch?” Cartman snapped. Before either of them could reply, he shoved past his friends to stand in front of Kyle, who didn’t look at him. “So, you dirty Jew, you making our friends take sides now, is that it?”  
Kyle silently rolled his eyes and stepped around him, still refusing to look at him. Kenny and Stan quickly fell into step next to him, leaving Cartman to hurry after them once more. He glared angrily at Kyle, jabbing him in the arm with a finger.  
“Come on, Kyle,” Cartman snarled. “It’s been over two weeks! You can’t stay mad at me forever, you know!”  
Kyle stopped in his tracks, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as Cartman continued to poke him in the side while their two friends watched nervously. His eyes held no anger when he opened them and they rested on Cartman for the first time in two weeks.  
“I’m not mad at you,” he told him calmly. “I’m done with you. I told you, I’m done dealing with you and your bullshit all the time. I don’t care what you do anymore. I’m better off without you in my life.”  
“You can’t ignore me forever, Kyle,” Cartman snapped at him.  
“If you say so,” Kyle replied, with a casual shrug. Cartman glared at him as he turned back to Stan and Kenny, completely ignoring Cartman’s prodding finger. “If we start saving money now, we could probably all go to-”  
“I can’t believe you two are picking that traitor over me,” Cartman interrupted, glaring over at Stan and Kenny. Kenny glared back at him.  
“No one’s picking sides, dumbass,” he snapped at him. “We can hang out with whoever we want, you know.” Cartman ignored him, turning his angry gaze back at Kyle.  
“You’re turning them against me, you filthy traitorous Jew!” he snarled.  
“Kenny and Stan can hang out with you if they want to,” Kyle told him, his voice still completely even, without a hint of bitterness to it. “I don’t care.”  
“This is just a stunt for Heidi, isn’t it?” the fatter kid said as if he hadn’t heard him. “Well, you can have her! I broke up with that bitch.” Kyle shrugged, his face remaining unchanged.  
“I couldn’t care less,” he stated in a deadpan tone. Kenny couldn’t help but give a smirk of satisfaction at the look of pure outrage on Cartman’s face as Kyle turned and continued down the street.  
“So,” Stan said when the three of them finally reached his house. “You really don’t care if Heidi is single or not? You’re not just doing this to try and get her?”  
Kyle rolled his eyes at him. “Heidi can do whatever the fuck she wants,” he stated. “Just as long as it doesn’t involve me. I honestly couldn’t give a crap.”  
Kenny grinned at him as they sat down on the couch. “Wow, Kyle,” he said. “I’ve rarely seen Cartman look that pissed off, and you didn’t even have to do anything! If only we could somehow weaponize your inability to give a damn, then I don’t think any country would touch us ever again.”  
“I have to say, I’m proud of you, dude,” Stan told him honestly. “How’d you manage to remain calm like that through the whole conversation, or these past two weeks?”  
“By reminding myself how much better my life is without him in it,” Kyle replied, grinning at them. “I just think of the things he’s done to me, and how much of it could have been avoided if I had just ignored him or didn’t go along with what he was doing.”  
“Well, you look like you’re doing much better,” Kenny stated.  
“It’s called ‘inner peace,’ dude,” Kyle remarked.  
“Do you think he’ll really leave you alone?” Stan wondered.  
“Of course, he won’t,” Kyle replied, rolling his eyes. “He’s Cartman. But, as I said before, unless he tries to cause me physical pain, or do something I can’t ignore, he’s dead to me. I just have to remind myself not to fall for any more of his tricks, and I’ll be fine.”  
Kenny felt himself smirk again as he casually pressed against the red head’s side. “Now you just have to avoid him for the next seven or eight years until you go to college, and then you’ll be home free,” he noted. Kyle scoffed at the remark.  
“Yeah right,” he replied. “For now, I’m just hoping to last out a month like this.”  
“Fingers crossed,” Stan commented casually.

Not only did Kyle manage to ignore both Heidi and Cartman for a month, he managed to keep his calm for years. By the end of the year, Heidi and Cartman had gotten back together twice more before splitting for good. Heidi had broken up with him this time, stating she was tired of all his shit, and him manipulating her. He tried to threaten to kill himself again, but this time, she wasn’t having it. So, apart they stayed.  
True to his word, Kyle remained strong against her when she tried to get back together with him. She forced Bebe to be the messenger for her, stating that she and Eric split for good. Bebe wasn’t even sort of surprised when Kyle pointed out that he still couldn’t care less. She still remembered what he had told her about Heidi not apologizing, and frankly, she found herself agreeing more with Kyle than with Heidi.  
Kyle’s health started to improve; he didn’t get sick at all, and they were all pretty sure it was because of all the stress being lifted off of him. Before they entered high school, he and Bebe managed to get all of the boys and girls to stop fighting already, the whole Skankhunt thing being way too played out by now.  
When they were sixteen, he, Stan and Kenny all managed to get their driver’s license. Kenny found a job that was close to Stan and Kyle’s houses, so they made sure to visit him a lot, and he would immediately go over to their houses when his shift was over. Stan and Wendy had managed to get back together again, with Kyle and Bebe’s help, but unlike Cartman and Heidi, they were staying together for good.  
By the time they were seventeen, Cartman was but a distant memory or background character to Kyle. Cartman’s life, however, had taken the opposite direction. Besides breaking up with Heidi, his mom decided to make him start being more responsible. After he had gotten into a fight with someone in the sixth grade, he got suspended from school for a week, and that’s when his mom finally decided to start punishing him for his actions. She gave him chores to do every day, and grounded him when he acted out. She wouldn’t let him eat any of the junk food that he loved, and wouldn’t immediately give into all his demands.  
Butters ended up being his only remaining friend, but even he was getting tired of Cartman’s bullshit. He certainly didn’t let Cartman push him around anymore like he used to. Stan and Kenny, at first feeling bad for him, tried to remain friends with him, but eventually they just considered him a casual acquaintance.  
Heidi did not take Kyle’s refusal of her well. She tried to ignore him like he was ignoring her, but she complained about it to Bebe every chance she got. Bebe, for the most part, tried to be kind and understanding, but that was hard to do when her friend was just so clueless.  
Things would stay this way until they were entering their senior year of high school.

“Welcome back, students,” the teacher greeted as the teens slowly entered her classroom. “Today is going to be the first day of your senior year! You must all be excited!”  
Butters certainly looked excited, but barely anyone else had really thought about what they were going to do after high school. That, or the fact that they were still all recovering from that sudden time jump that was right in the middle of the chapter. It was kind of hard to realize you were about to graduate high school when the story just skips from the end of fourth grade to the beginning of twelfth grade.  
Kyle was pretty much the only one of them who had been applying for colleges, and with his grades, he was guaranteed to any school he wanted. Stan and Kenny both just applied to which ever schools Kyle applied to so they could all be together.  
“You really should think more about your future than that,” Kyle chastised when they told him. Stan blinked at him.  
“So, you don’t want us going to the same school as you?” he wondered.  
“I mean, I do, but still,” Kyle replied.  
The first bell rang and they got up to go to their first class. The three of them were in most of their classes together, they had made sure of that when they were planning out their schedules. Bebe and Wendy also shared a lot of their classes with the boys, and the two of them were already running to catch up to them as they made their way towards their first class.  
“Government and Economics first,” Wendy stated when they caught up, glancing at her schedule. “I hear the teacher for it likes to drone on and on. It’s too bad, because I want to go into politics when I go to college.”  
“Well, I can just get some extra sleep if that’s true,” Kenny mumbled, rubbing his eyes with a yawn.  
“You’re so lazy, Kenny,” Stan sighed, rolling his eyes. Kenny grinned and put an arm around his shoulders.  
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he commented.  
“Come on, let’s get to class so you can go back to sleep,” Kyle replied, looping an arm through his and dragging him along. Kenny didn’t protest and looked slightly embarrassed for some reason.  
The class was just as boring as they predicted, if not more. The teacher had a low, droning sort of voice that made his class start to nod off during roll call. After explaining what the class was all about, he proceeded to pull out a large text book and just start reading from it, not even looking up at the class. Almost half the class was asleep by the time the next bell rang, and those who weren’t just whispered among themselves. At some point, even the teacher had bored himself to sleep, drifting off with a mumble until the only sound that came out of him was a snore.  
“Either our teacher is a lot older than he looks or he finds that class as boring as we do,” Stan complained when they left.  
“Maybe it will get better as the class goes on,” Bebe said hopefully. “I mean, it was just the first day, after all.” The others didn’t look convinced, but they didn’t say anything more about the subject. “So, what class do you have next?”  
“Well, Wendy and I have math class,” Stan groaned. “Advanced algebra, too. It’s so unnatural.” Kyle rolled his eyes at him.  
“It’s not that bad, Stan,” he pointed out. “At least you can use algebra in life. I think. Anyway, Kenny and I have painting next.”  
“Me too,” Bebe said happily as Stan grumbled angrily under his breath about how much algebra sucked. “I love the teacher for the art classes! He’s super cool.”  
“I wish I had taken painting with you guys,” Wendy sighed. “But with all of my other classes, I couldn’t fit it in.”  
They split up and Kyle led the way towards the art room. Kyle and Kenny usually ended up being the only boys in the art classes, but this year they walked in to see that Butters and Tweek were also in their art class. Kenny let out a groan when he saw Heidi already at one table, but Kyle didn’t react to her and instead took a seat near the front of the class with Butters and Tweek. Bebe started to follow them, but then caught Heidi’s eye. She let out a defeated sigh at the look on Heidi’s face and turned to the others.  
“I’ll be right back,” she told Kyle and Kenny before making her way over to where Heidi was waiting for her. Heidi leaned back in her seat and glared at her.  
“Well?” she asked. Bebe blinked in confusion.  
“Well what?” she wondered.  
“Did Kyle say anything about me?” Heidi said. “Have you been talking me up to him?” Bebe rolled her eyes and glared down at her.  
“No,” she replied. “He didn’t say anything about you. He hasn’t said anything for seven years, and he’s not going to now. Why don’t you just go talk to him yourself? Or just admit that he’s never going to talk to you and move on?”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Heidi said stubbornly. “But you’re supposed to be helping me, remember? Isn’t that why you’ve been hanging around him so much?”  
“I’ve been hanging around Kyle because we’re friends and I like him,” Bebe pointed out. “It’s called being nice and having things in common. You know, like normal people?” Heidi blinked at her, like she didn’t know what she was talking about. Bebe let out a sigh. She didn’t know why she bothered. “I’ve got to go, they’re waiting for me over there,” she hesitated before adding, “You know, you can join us if you want.”  
“No thanks,” Heidi said, turning head away with a huff. “The only way I’m going over there is if Kyle begs me too.”  
“Which is never going to happen,” Bebe muttered under her breath as she turned and quickly made her way over to the front of the room. She didn’t know what Heidi was hoping would happen, she just hoped that whatever her friend was planning, she would do it soon. And that it would be legal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t sure how to end this chapter, so I’m just going to stop right there. Also, I haven’t posted anything for this for a while and I wanted to get something out. So now, we’re going to get into the meat of the story. The main plot. We’re going to see just how low Cartman and Heidi will sink to try and get Kyle’s attention. Also, there’s going to be a surprise later down the road, so look forward to that! And remember, if you’re going to take your pet goldfish for a walk, leave them in the bowl.


End file.
